long since I last did this... Priest: Oh, well, that's okay;
I can walk you through the steps-- (again) TJ: Heh, no worries, no worries! I've
already been through the first step! I've examined my consciousness. And don't worry,
I'm totally sober and just-just ready for this! Joe: Psst! Rene! You know you can get a
plenary indulgence if you sell me your spot in line? Rene: Joseph! That's not how that
works! Joe: It is! It's a thing! I know because I saw meme about it on Facebook. Priest: I absolve you of your sins in name of the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen. Aimee: Thank you, Father. What was my penance again? Priest: 20 Hail Mary's. Aimee: Okay.
*Breathes in the spirit of a cleansed heart and renewed soul* Aimee: Hail Mary, Hail Mary, Hail Mary, Hail Mary, HailMary HailMary HailMaryHailMary..... Joe: Hey, Ned, are you going to Confession? Ned: Um, yeah. Joe: Hey, so, uh, while you're there, could you,
uh, possibly say my confession for me? Ned: No, Joe! I'm not doing this for you! ...Again! Joe: Oh, come on! Wait, I got it! How about this? If you do this for me, I'll have TWO masses said for you. Ned: Make it 13.
Joe: What?! Ned: 13... Or no deal. Joe: Ugh, fine! Rene: *sobbing, distraught* Priest: My child, what's wrong? Rene: I can't believe what I've done... *Sniffles* Priest: What did you do? Rene: I held hands with my boyfriend! *Muttering* Priest: Oh.
Is there anything else--? Rene: Yes! *Hysterical* Yes, and there's more! I wore... I wore shorts instead of a skirt. Priest:Anything else? Rene: *gasps for breath* I chose... In my selfish ways to go to Benedictine College
instead of Franciscan University.
*SAY WHAAAAAT?!* Rene: FRANCISCAN UNIVERSITY!!!! Joe: Hey, Ned. Where are you going? Ned: Ugh, I'm going off to Confession. Joe: Really? That's wonderful! Ned: Well, my fiance is making me go so... I'm not really sorry.
*Flashback transition music* *dubstep party music* *chill elevator music* Zaira: *screams* *back to the wub-wub-wubs* Zaira: Edward Stanton Bury!! Ned: Yes, honey? Zaira: What did you do?!? Ned: Clearly, I fixed it. Zaira: We have ENGAGEMENT PHOTOS with David TOMORROW!!! Ned: That was part of the plan! Zaira: You are going to Confession RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!! *Flashforward transition music* Joe: Whoa, no!
If that's the case, you really better not go! Ned: Meh, I'm an actor. He won't know the difference. Joe: Wait, no! Ned, that's not a good i...Dea...
Rene: Thank you so much for your help,
Father Pio. Padre Pio: Oh, of course! God bless you, my daughter. *Pio senses are tingling* Padre Pio: Don't come back until you're actually sorry! Oh, and one more thing: John Paul II would not approve of your acting skills! Ned: *cries* Joe: *Gollum's voice*
Forgive us, Father, for we have sinned... Priest: I know it's you, Joseph.
Joe: *Gollum's voice*
Dang it, Precious!!.
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